October 5th always proves to be a melancholy day for my family and I- especially the women of the family. October 5th is the birthday of my dear late Great Grandma Hayes, or as we call her, Grandma Peanut. Although October 5th is a celebration of her memory and her coming into the world, it does bring some sadness in wanting her and missing her. This year I am trying my best to view this day not as a sad one, but as a happy one; a day that brought my Peanut into the world and into my life. I am going to start viewing this day not as a day to feel sad, but as a day that I can rejoice and thank my Heavenly Father for letting her be a part of my life, and for letting me be the oldest great grandchild so that I, unlike my cousins and brother, can vividly remember her and all of our moments shared. I thank my Heavenly Father for letting me live on and share her great legacy, so that I can one day tell my own children about their Great Great Grandma Peanut and all of the experiences we shared. I am thankful that I knew her, and even though we did not have the amount of time together as we would have liked, and can live knowing that she lived a full lifeand someday I will be able to see her again. Even though she may not physically be with me, I know that she is always with me in spirit. I keep her close to me by wearing her locket and her ring each day, so that I can remember her and her legacy left to me, and a reminder of who I want to become and that I want her to be proud of me and what I do. I miss her so much, but I am thankful for the time we shared, and the treasured memories that are sacredly guarded in my mind.
Everyone who knew Florence Louise Miller Headlund Hayes knew that she was one tough cookie. She had a lot of life experience to show for it. She tragically lost her husband Carl Headlund at a very young age, leaving her to raise her two young children, Carleen (my grandma), and Gary (aka Skip) all by herself. She did not have her mother around anymore to help her; it was just she and she alone. She was left with her two children and her husband’s grocery store, Headlund’s Market. How she managed, I will never know, but she did it. She raised two wonderful children singlehandedly. And it was those children who stayed with her to the end, and loved her through thick and thin. Her strength and courage through tragedy and heartache absolutely amazes me. She was such a strong and vital woman all through her life; I want to be like that, to have such strength and fortitude to be able to weather any storm to pass my way. She would just tell any problem to get the hell away and never come back, dammit. That was who Peanut was, a feisty pillar of strength, who was never afraid to speak her mind and tell you exactly what she thought about you.
If it were not for my Grandma Peanut, my mom and I would not be here today. When my Grandma conceived my mom, she had planned to put her up for adoption. Up until the moment of birth, the whole family believed that this baby would not play a part in their lives. It was only in the moment that Peanut held my mom safely cradled in her arms, that she knew that she could never let her go. My existence only came to be by the work of her hands. It is because of her that I have been given such an amazing mom, whom I could never live without. Peanut is the reason of my existence; she is why I have such a wonderfully crazy, quirky, family, who fit me like a glove. She is why I came into this world. She is my mom’s saving grace and mine; she gave us life and the loved ones to help us get through it. I think the greatest gift from her is the gift of herself to us. It was that moment she decided to keep my mother that she became the guardian angel of our lives. She is not only my great grandmother, she is my guardian angel.
I have many treasured memories of time spent with her. Out of all the memories, the most vivid are the time we spent, just she and I, at her house. I remember one sleepover when I was about eight or nine years old. It was the 4th of July, and we sat on the bed in the very back room of the house. We peered out the window, watching the neighbors set off fireworks in their backyard. She held me tight in her arms, as I sat there clutching the teddy bear she had just given me. I remember lying on the couch as she helped me take my eardrops because I had swimmers ear that summer. I remember taking a bath in her rounded, old-fashioned bathtub, and sliding down the edge like some miny waterslide. I remember her drying me off with her fluffy pink bathtowels. Most of all, I remember laying in the bed next to her, the air conditioner droning in the window, the sun slowing peaking through the blinds, and me waking up to her just staring at me with her sparkling periwinkle blue eyes and with a smile overwhelming her sweet face, the first thing I saw when I woke up and “I love you so much,” the first things I heard. I remember the humongous breakfast she made me that morning, and the food that just kept coming and coming. A breakfast of cantaloupe, cream of wheat, two eggs, over easy, toast, and “Mormon tea” (a concoction of water, milk, and sugar.) I remember going out to garden with her; how lovingly she took care of her plants. I remember sitting on the porch, watching the lilac bush and the myriad of hummingbirds compassing its beautiful, vibrant budding lilacs, erupting with a sweet fragrance that seemed to flood the yard with its engaging aroma. I remember laying on her soft, brown, shaggy carpet listening to her beloved Barry Manilow; twisting the strands around my finger as she sat in her recliner. I remember sitting on her enormous porch, laying on the stone step, next to the roses, as she sat in the foldable, plaid chair.
I also remember the times she babysat me. The vanilla ice cream she would give me in the Styrofoam textured cone. I remember the chirping yellow bird she kept in her sunroom. And the bunny shaped cookie jar that sat on the yellow and green table above the cellar door. I remember all the little treasures she kept in the backroom, that to a little girl such as myself were completely priceless. I remember the dozens of pictures engulfing her mantle; all of those whom she loved. I remember one day when we were exploring her yard, and we found a kitty playing on the side of the garage.
She always had to have her hair, and nails done. Even in the later years, not a time went by that she forgot about her beauty routine. She was beautiful, and only became more so with age. She had a sweet demeanor, and the most sparkly blue eyes you could ever know. Peanut was always optimistic and smiling. While in the rest home in Woods Cross, she was chosen to be Utah’s Ms. Golden Years. She was featured on a float in the Salt Lake parade on the 24th of July. She got to wear a crown and a sash, and do her princess wave. Needless to say, she loved every minute of it.
This is how I remember my Grandma Hayes. I remember joyous times we spent together and with our family. Even though it sometimes makes me disconsolate when I think that she has passed on, I try to remember these things. I celebrate her life, and her love. With her memory I will live on, spreading her legacy to my family. Never will I let go of these priceless, treasured memories of her that I hold so incredibly dear to my heart. It is through me and these memories that she lives on. I will never, ever let her be forgotten. For she is my pillar of strength, the shining example of my life, and my ever loving guardian angel. Though she may be gone, I guard her legacy, and the sweet, tender memories that will forever burn in my heart and mind.
