Blackbird Fly

For three weeks now I have been living the college life up at Utah State. I can whole heartedly say it has been such a great experience. I completely love the college environment and culture. The beautiful campus, people just lounging around and reading on the lawn, the guys on the top floor of my dorm ripping it on the guitar. I love the feeling of freedom, and the general aura that college radiates. But I find that with that freedom comes a desperate longing for home. I went to join my family this last weekend to go to Park City, and still when the time for goodbye comes, I find myself starting to cry when I give my mom a farewell hug. I am taking a class titled Survey of American Culture, in which we study the culture behind what constitutes home. Last week for this class I had an assignment in which I read a piece by Tuan that analyzed the difference between space and place. Space being somewhere that does not necessarily hold all the memories and importance that place in contrast does. Place is home, it is where family and friends are; it is that nostalgic monument to past, present, and future. To me, Kaysville is my place, and I cannot help but feel like I am out of place as I live up here in Logan, because it has yet to establish itself as my place, my home. As I have pondered this concept the last few days I have come to the conclusion that space is not just somewhere that hold nothing to you, I think that space is just somewhere that has yet to become place, but still holds all of the potential of becoming place, home, to someone. Although, yes, Logan is still space to me, it holds all the potential of becoming my place. Yes, my roots run deep in Davis County, but I think it is time for me to start anew.

Just last week I was listening to the Beatles while I was missing home, and the song Blackbird came on. I was so stunned of how the lyrics seemed to coincide with my life. I suddenly found myself alone in my room with a waterfall of tears streaming down my face.

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
all your life
you were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night."

This song is such an elegant piece of music. The first time I listened to it I was hit with how the bird was always waiting for this certain moment to arrive, and now that the moment has come it is dark and its wings are broken. Now that I further analyze the words, what I find most awe inspiring is the urging of the bird to learn to fly through the pain of a broken wing. In life, there will be times when it may literally hurt us to move forward, but it is at those moments that it is most vital to move forward. Yes, sometimes I feel that I miss my family and friends so much that it hurts, my metaphorical wing has been broken through the longing of home. The moment has come for me to be free, and even though my wings may be broken, I will learn to fly. Life is full of challenges, and this one just happens to be in the moment. My moment has risen, and now is the time for me to fly into the dark black night- my future.